Friday, April 19, 2024

Time moves *** New Day

 Today is new!  

How we forget the yesterdays the older they are.  Flashbacks come and go with memory bursts!

Things written in journals remind us of  feelings of the time, yet we now wonder why? Sometimes with who, and what story?  Can we remember it all? Or at all!

What happened,  do others remember the time.  Maybe. But not in the same way, stories change  

The passage of life travels so swiftly by the time we notice a decade has passed, and then another until the next generation is looking back feeling the same.  Lost between fancy and truth 

I return in my mind to days with my mother as a teenager.  Wow, what a time.  Ups and downs, more and more to remember.  And oh the arguements! 

Then onto when I became a mom,, i still needed my mom.  Now as a grandmother, my memories as a child and a young mom have started to become faded. 

The wholeness and joy I hold  full inside, yet somehow there is a loneliness.  Where is this coming from?  Am I needed, will they remember the good, what will the future hold who knows. 

 I wonder how my mom felt as a grand mother, going back in her memories;.some what lost, sad and empty.  It’s an Emptiness that becomes bigger and bigger and then hollowness.    


Turning your back on the past doesn’t make it easy it just leaves you empty.

Find Happy

Happy is the sort of thing one must find for ourselves.

We can search and search but who knows where we will find it

I am trying to locate this lost location,,,,,,,,

I don't know where it went
I have never liked it when people have said.... I know how you feel
Especially when it's at a funeral and it's not their loved one who has passed, this time.
Besides how I feel and how they felt or feel is different.
The term I understand, is a difficult one.  How can you understand what I'm feeling or thinking, your not me.
"You have no idea", is another spouted saying which I dislike.  It's just hurtful when it's used.
It's almost.... saying don't feel sorry for me, cause you cannot possibly know the pain and sorrow
I feel.  survivors use this one a lot!

The other saying is “welcome to my world”. No!  I have my own world, mine is different,  just because you experienced the like, you don’t know mine!  Be kind and say nothing, or say I may have Experienced similar.  Because this not all about you!   

These just hurt my heart, and make me cry. 



I’m not a good game player or manipulator.  But.... I sure fall to the prey of those who do.